Life is not binary

Adobe Spark-8

There’s this concept in my coaching program called “the magic of mirroring.” When listening to clients, there’s often this inner dialogue going on where you completely relate to what they are saying, and as you go on in dialogue providing guidance, you hear yourself answering your own struggles. Speaking with one of my “practice” clients, we got into a conversation about being good or being bad.  Why is it that we take this all or nothing approach to so many things? We say, “I eat really well, except when I am bad.” We let this notion of being “good” allow us to indulge in “bad” things as a reward, or we punish ourselves for being “bad,” by spiraling into more “bad” behaviors.

Life isn’t that clear cut. And for people who have struggled with weight loss, it’s time for a new way of thinking. We’ve been shamed into thinking that we are being bad if we make a poor food choice or if we chose to sleep in over going to the gym. It’s time to listen to that voice in your head and tell it to STFU.

This a-ha moment I had made me very conscious of my inner monologue and how often I think of things in terms of good or bad. I have rephrased my self-talk. I only choose food that will nourish me because that’s just how I eat now. I choose to eat this way because I am proud of my success and I don’t want to go back to my old way of life.

Is it all butterflies, unicorns, and roses?  Hell no, but the awareness of that negative self-talk is the best answer to defeat it when things are tough. Weight loss after gastric bypass surgery isn’t just automatic. Well, part of it is — in the beginning, but there’s a lot of work that goes into making smart food choices, getting proper nutrition and supplementation, showing up for exercise, and creating consistently healthy patterns with sleep and stress management. I hear myself telling fellow patients that it’s a marathon, not a sprint, and I stop and listen to myself. Health coaching is the thing that will keep my inner evil voice quiet and will keep me focused on my own health and wellness.  And that, my friends, is good.

Staying positive in a world full of negativity 

Making lasting lifestyle changes takes work. A lot of work. And when social sites are part of the equation for your support system and connecting with helpful resources, it’s important to check in with yourself about the value of your social network and its content. 

I’m not even talking about the news and political climate. That’s a whole other ball of wax that I just can’t get into. I’m talking about your friends. We all have a friend or two who use Facebook as a way to vent, complain, namedrop, finger point, and basically bitch. 

Sometimes you just have to keep scrolling. Scroll, scroll, scroll. It’s so easy to let the negativity sink in, but if the positive support from your social network outweighs the negative, just scroll on by. Or hide them. Or de-friend. Your comfort zone gets tested every day, so do what’s best for you. 

But sometimes, life calls for a digital detox. Find sources of positivity outside of your social network. Like with nature and real people. Or give your dog or cat a hug. And if you don’t have a cat or dog, adopt one! Pets are great medicine. 

Fill your journal with positive affirmations and revisit them when you need a boost. Pinterest is always a great source of inspiration if you can’t completely break free of your phone. 

This post is brought to you by Dionne Warwicks’s “Walk on By.”